


My Life

by gojosslut



Category: No Fandom, depression - Fandom, orange - 高野苺 | Takano Ichigo
Genre: Anxiety, Close Suicide, Depression, Loneliness, Other, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:46:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gojosslut/pseuds/gojosslut
Summary: vent fic
Relationships: None
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	My Life

I storm up into my room, as rage consumes me. I can't believe he didn't care. I try my best to be nice, but it doesn't work. He still holds against me what I did to him YEARS ago. When I was 5-9. What the fuck. As rage subsided, I found myself submitting to an overwhelming sadness. The fact that my relationship with him was ruined, the fact that I had ruined it, it was my fault. Looking around my room, the only words in my mind, "kill yourself". I know I couldn't. The cord, that plugged my charger into the wall. It seemed decently long. It was easy to tie.

As I pulled at my hair, I rethought my actions. _"Life isn't a game. When you die, you don't start over. You're gone forever."_ I repeated these words to myself as I paced around my room, crying but not making any noise. Because nobody can suspect anything. If I went through with this, I had to go all the way. I had always told myself that I could kill myself at any time, but then got scared at the thought. The thought of dying. In that moment, I was scared. I was scared because I couldn't control my actions. I was scared because I knew that I was just a step away from taking my life. As I sat up, I looked at my stomach and realized how fat I actually am. How could a person be this ugly? I realized that it would be good for the world if I was gone. When I die, another person will take my place. I'll be forgotten overtime, and become somebody that used to be, _alive_. Yet, why did I want somebody to accidently come into my room and find me in my state? Why did I want somebody to come into my room and stop me before anything bad happened? Nobody would..but why did I want it? As my zoom call sat in the corner of my bed, with my mic and camera off, and the teacher asked me why I wasn't doing work. I choked down my tears and cleared my throat, unmuting, because I sounded awful. Expected from crying for the last half and hour. As I unmuted myself, I went to speak, I really sounded horrible. I managed to come up with an excuse, that my, "computer was freezing" and I would try and "get it to work". I muted myself, checking multiple times to make sure that it was actually muted, before breaking down into a fit of tears.

I pulled out my phone and opened the notes app, as I wrote my note. Labeling it, " **I'm Sorry**." I really wrote that note, acting like anyone would care enough to read it. I hate myself.


End file.
